in 1994. I was 26. and didn't follow through. I powered through it with tenacity and alcohol. Now I'm going to be 55 and not nearly as sharp as I used to be. There was a time not long ago when wherever I went I was pretty sure I was the smartest guy in the room. I never feel that way anymore. I have stopped using alcohol entirely and a veil has been lifted. I used to be able to compensate for my short circuit with an inner dialog constantly repeating the things I needed to do to accomplish my simple day to day tasks. That doesn't work anymore. I'm making stupid arrogant mistakes. I nearly burned my house down two weeks ago. My attention span is literally 15 seconds. I drift away in the middle of conversations. I mentally rage. I have FIVE fucking motorcycles in my garage in various states of customization/restoration because once the sparkle wears off I CANNOT force myself to complete ANYTHING and I'm making STUPID mistakes on invoices which is a HUGE no no. While I was sitting here babysitting the house so that the pipes didn't freeze because the power company took my meter because the fire got into the electrical (had to have an electrician come out and make repairs and have it all inspected before they would bring the meter back) I kept seeing an ad in my facebook feed for an audible book called Adult Men with ADHD. So I went ahead and bought it and bawled my eyes out for 3.5 hours of this narrator who had obviously been looking over my shoulder taking notes for the last forty years. It is almost IMPOSSIBLE for me to do the same job for more than five years. I ran a radioshack for 7 years and it almost killed me. In 2010 I got my real estate license. Just like school, the mundane exercises were excruciating but the test was a breeze. But I lacked the follow through required to be successful. This summer, after I quit my five year job at the boat store, I decided to get my insurance license and sell life insurance over the phone. Cool setup... not really cold calling (I hate that) just contacting folks who had inquired through banner ads and such... I couldn't complete the course. My coach was flabbergasted and disappointed.. I told her this was A LOT harder than I thought it would be. She was confused.. I interviewed so well.. I passed the real estate test (which was supposed to be MUCH more difficult than the insurance test...) This course and test should have been a breeze. So I went to see my doctor today. He's a great guy that I consider a friend. My wife is an administrator there and she HATES it when I see him because I always take too long because we spend the whole time bullshitting about stupid bullshit that throws his schedule off and half the time we never get around to addressing why I came... Well it turns out HE'S got ADHD too and he threw the whole place into crisis mode because "we've got to get you help pronto". So anyways.... That's where I'm at. :whatevs
