My dad told me "we're through" yesterday

  • I went in to visit him and everything was fine until he asked me if I "fixed his website" yet and I said no. He blew up at me. He was drunk and telling me "we're dying here SON!..... Daughter! and then he said "I'm so fuckng mad at you (face all contorted). If you don't want to do it just tell me or we're done"

    So I left trying not to cry. I went to get gas.... was trying not to cry.... Goodwill... trying not to cry.

    He never calls me or asks me anything about how I'm doing. I call him at least once a week to see how he's doing and ask how things are going. He sometimes acts like I'm trying to pull his teeth or something.... just for asking how he's doing.

    A couple weeks ago I was visiting him and he asked me to add an Amazon payment option to his shopping cart. I built the website. What he asked was not super easy for me. I don't know how to write code and I was figuring it out. I'm broke... going on interviews... no paycheck in 2 months now and he never asks me anything about how I'm doing.

    He made the request - and said" when you get time" kind of thing. I had no time. You guys know I barely had time to come here. I had a headache from stress for three days. I visit my dad and the guys at the shop because I was off and on my way to drop off 9 large boxes to UPS that were crammed in my Explorer. On my day off I spent 2 hours doing the paperwork for those boxes so I wouldn't get in trouble for not shipping them earlier (I work weekends and Sunday there is no place to drop these that is open)

    So I was in the area and stopped by. My dad must think that I just have nothing to do... as I've been struggling for months trying to have obtain an income.

    So he opens up on me for not putting the Amazon payment option on his website and acted like that is going to save his business. Like I was fucking him and on purpose.

    Thing is, 8 months ago I offered to come back to work there... and I DID NOT WANT TO.... but I wanted to help them. He made it contingent on whether Veronica says it was okay. Veronica is a long-time worker there. we sometimes get along, sometimes we don't. She said yes.

    So I tried for about a month to schedule a time with her so I could talk with here to make sure everything was going to be good between us... and she was treating me like dirt. When I went in she wouldn't look at me even when I was talking to her. She ignored my texts.,

    So I decided not to come back. My dad didn't want me back anyway. I told him that I was trying to talk with Veronica to make sure things were going to be okay. He told me "work it out with her. If it works out, fine.. if not then fine" Kind of thing.

    By the way, I like Veronica. It's not her fault at all.

    So now he acts like I'm fucking him??? He's actually screwed me pretty hard.

    1. he fired me

    2. he did not put the trailer in my name as promised when I came to work for him. That was part of our deal

    3. he refused several times to put the rent in my name so I can pay it.

    He wants control and always has been that way. I don't think like he does so we clash. I don't attach strings to things and he ties everything to favors and everything he does has strings attached.

    So now I don't know what is going to happen. I've told him several times before that I don't feel secure not having this place in my name. He says when he dies it's mine. He has no need for it but wont give it up to me so I can have some kind of security. He said Veronica knows it's to go to me when he dies. So I have to trust that she will do that. She get's everything, by the way.

    I'm hurt but now I'm angry too.

  • Sounds like a Dad...

    And I bet he is the only person who can do that to you....

    It will never change... but What they say about you when you are not around ...well sometimes you would just like to hear it from them once in a while..

    Dads... We are a breed like no other

  • That's messed up. Sounds like Veronica wants you out of the picture, also sounds like she's not your friend. At all. I'm sure she's quite charming to your face but what is she saying behind your back?

    I have no idea what you can do about it. Except maybe draw up papers to have that house put in your name and have him sign them. Timing is everything.

  • I wouldn't trust Veronica to honor your dad's wishes at all.

    I'm at a loss? Your dad and mom aren't married? What about him leaving something to your siblings? Really important discussions should never take place with alcohol. Maybe you were hoping for Veronica to come further than she is capable of doing to assure you? Lots of stuff and I am clueless. I hope your dad has a trust because you do not want anything probated here in this state.

  • I'm really sorry to hear about you and your Dad's relationship Gina, this sucks so bad and must really hurt.
    I had really hoped (like yourself) your relationship would improve after you left his company but it seems like he's just too wrapped up in his own affairs to even consider your predicament..
    I get the impression he uses Veronica to manipulate you, very unfair. With her in the middle, there's little chance of you and Veronica getting along any time soon imo.
    As for the whole rent situation.... pffff where to start?? No wonder you are desperate to earn a decent wage and get your own place!!
    The insecurity must eat away in back of your mind constantly, his latest drunken outburst not helping either. To protect yourself, I wouldn't count on him leaving the place to you when he dies, just do not expect anything. The fact he didn't keep his word and put the trailer in your name suggests it is only a way to keep a hold over you. You say he has no need for it but maybe he's scared he'll lose his business and own home, so might need the trailer in a "worst case" scenario "security back-up?... I don't know, I can't even imagine having such a parent...
    What I do know is it is no laughing matter and saying "don't take it too seriously" is easy for people not in your situation.

    Anyway sugar tits, I know your are a very proud individual and rarely complain despite having a rough time of it lately but maybe there's a way to make your Dad gain more insight without you feeling you're asking anything from him necessarily, but just get a clearer sense of what you are going through. Communication between you (or lack thereof) would need to change but how to facilitate that change?
    He is going to die one of these days so preferably sooner than later. So often one of either party needs to be in a life threatening situation before the eyes and ears are opened, sadly.
    Needless to say I don't wish you or him any harm but know what it's like when a parent dies and you didn't get to say all the things that needed saying..
    Maybe you'll consider just writing him a letter expressing everything in a calm and clear manner, whether you end up giving it to him or not?
    In any case I'd avoid him entirely when he's drunk dear.
    ((hug)) :*

    Don't forget to brush your teeth!!

  • nah. He's an real asshole and has written his own mom and dad and brother off sins the early 90s. His mom and dad died having never spoken with him again. He never will give in. Total asshole.

    So sorry, I have little comprehension of that kind of thinking? I have a cousin like that with her brother. Will have nothing to do with him ever since as a teen he ran away with her girl friend, married her , had children and then a succession of other wives and children. People change, they can grow and none of us are perfect or perhaps even considered decent? So far I have never done this so I do not understand it.